Validating Emotions: Why Is It So Hard?

By Julie Clément, Counsellor,

Friends for Mental Health  

I’ve often asked myself: “Why did it take me so many years to learn how to validate emotions? And why, even with my experience, do I still sometimes struggle to validate the feelings of my loved ones?” 

The truth is, as human beings, deeply emotional by nature, it’s not always easy to stay grounded when our own vulnerabilities are triggered. 

Emotional validation means recognizing and accepting what someone feels, without judgment or minimization.

With a loved one living with a mental health problem, this skill is essential. It helps them feel heard, understood, and less alone, while also strengthening your connection and easing their distress. 

But validation isn’t always simple. It requires sensitivity, self-awareness… and sometimes courage. Because when we validate another person’s emotions, our own feelings surface too, some comforting, others heavy and uncomfortable. 

At Friends for Mental Health, we often talk about the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), the emotional fog caregivers face when supporting a struggling loved one. We may feel we must “fix” things, carry their burden, or guide them toward the “right” path. Guilt creeps in, and over time, this weight makes validation even harder. 

So, how can we move forward? 

Don’t stay alone: seek support to clear the fog. 

Tame your worries: validation doesn’t mean encouraging harmful behaviors. 

Question your beliefs: in some cultures, emotions are minimized or “staying strong” is valued, which complicates validation. 

Acknowledge your fears: your loved one’s feelings can echo your own struggles, making them harder to face. Notice relationship dynamics: validation doesn’t create dependence, it opens the door to deeper understanding. 

Validation is a journey, sometimes bumpy, but every step matters. Let’s be gentle with ourselves in the process: each effort to validate an emotion helps our loved one feel just a little less alone in their struggle.